Sometimes I just try to ignore the load. Other times I let it swallow me and drag me around with it but don’t attempt to even figure it out. I might get mad at it and, in turn, snap at everyone who talks to me and threaten to bite their heads off. And then there are those rare times when I’ll sit down quietly, take a big breath, and sort through it with God. I dig deep and find what’s gnawing at me, what’s weighing me down, whether it be guilt or fear and hopelessness or lack of motivation or distance from God (that I caused – though often subconsciously – by sin, not Him distancing Himself from me) or whatever. His truth shines a light in the blackness of deceit that I blindly walk around in, cutting it away and making room for His love.
I’ve been ignoring the weight of stress over schoolwork and of guilt of imperfection for a while, shoving it away and keeping it at arm’s length for as long as possible, but yesterday, for some reason, it all crashed down on me. I think one huge reason was because I got barely enough sleep the night before last to stay awake the whole day, much less think properly and cohesively. That means I didn’t get much schoolwork done yesterday…which means I was *gasp* imperfect yesterday…which means I felt really guilty…which means, out of that guilt, I tried to do more schoolwork to fix that guilt…which means that I then failed at that, partly because of my extremely tired brain and low motivation and high distractibility…which means I then felt guilty again…you get the picture. This is often the cycle that I’m stuck in, and with things other than schoolwork (like being a “good Christian”, whatever that is).
And I could just continue in it today. Like I said, I didn’t get much schoolwork done yesterday – all the more reason to feel guilty today and feel the pressure to finish it before the birthday party this evening.
But today I’m determined not to do that. However, that’s not good enough. I have to be determined to follow Christ today. I can’t just say, “Hey, I don’t really enjoy being down in the dumps all the time, so today I’m going to be happy!” Ha! Let’s see if that works real well. Sure, I might be able to put on a cheerful face, but that’s even worse than letting people know that I’m really not doing well, even if it’s by acting like Eeyore (y’know, from Winnie the Pooh).
I gotta let God lift this sack of rocks that I’m lugging around with me. I gotta receive His forgiveness - I sure can’t lift it – I’m too weak. But what did we read in our Life Journal reading this morning?
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” --2 Corinthians 12:9
Yeah, I might get tired of being weak. But Paul said himself in the following verse that ‘when I am weak, then I am strong.” Of course, he didn’t mean that he finds strength in himself. He receives strength from God when he earnestly confesses that he totally needs it, that he can’t do this by himself. I can do that, too. I, a sinful weakling, can receive strength from God Almighty. Pretty cool, huh? ;)
But – enough about me! Sure, I can learn stuff from my experiences, both mistakes and successes. But I can learn a whole lot more from God. And I can learn from others who have learned from God. So, I want to hear how God has lifted a load from you! Or if you need prayer in relation to the load that’s currently threatening to suffocate you. ’Cause I’m praying for you anyway. :) Not that my prayers matter that much, because I’m just another human being like you. But God, amazingly and graciously, listens to and acts upon our earnest prayers.
So, summing up...know God loves You, and learn to know His love. You can’t know anything or anyone else even an ounce more encouraging, or freeing, or joyful, or comforting, or strengthening, or truthful, or faithful, or peace-giving, or grace-giving, or merciful, or loving, or life-giving. He’ll fill your life with, well, life – with laughter and blessings and friends and love. It’s amazing, isn’t?
P.S. I strongly encourage you to go read Emii’s blog – right now! Well, after you listen to that song down there. ;) Even if you already know it, listen to it again. Listen to it while you're reading Emii's post. :D Oh, and here's a link to a little online interview with Matt Hammitt of Sanctus Real about the song : http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/article.php?article_id=327